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From time to time on this page I will write my thoughts on current events and other matters of National importance as they happen, so check it out every now and then and get my personal spin on what's going on.  Todays article....          

Look, it's about time someone address the BRINGER issue in comedy. Something few Producers/Bookers dare speak of because the mere mention of the word offends some comics who it should not be offending. In the business of comedy, EVERYONE has to do their part to make the show successful, the Club Owner, the Club Staff, The Producer, The Booker, and finally the Comic.

The bottom line in this business is very simple- it is a BUISNESS! Again, EVERYONE has to do his or her part! Do not expect me to book you if you have no intention of bringing an audience with you, whether they be fans, family friends co-workers etc. I don’t care if you bark outside the club the day of the show, but simply showing up and expecting to go on is just not realistic. There are free spots I give out to more seasoned Comics because I like to craft my shows with a mixture of new as well as seasoned vets in the game.  But every once in awhile, I give free Spots out to a great new Comic.  Why? Business! I want great comics in my shows!

I do my part to work out the deals with the club owners to get you a stage; I craft the ideas and Produce a show that will kick ass, I book the line up that will deliver a great show, I bring in Agents actually looking for talent not looking to get paid to be there, I’ve given out expensive prizes paid with profits from show to help further careers of winners, Producing isn’t easy, in fact it’s a pain in the butt, but I do it because I want to create a new avenue where Comics can flourish and really move up in the game irregardless if you been in this one month 1 year or years and never got anywhere.  

Recently I booked a show at an A-List club where we had an opportunity to get a regular monthly show as part of their line up.  We got a big room for it and almost 2 months to promote. It was not a bringer show, all I asked was for folks to promote it and everyone knew what was at stake, well on the day of the show 3 of the comics bought in 80% of the audience and we did not get the monthly showcase and my deal with that club got cut by 20% as a result as well.  Other shows I had lined up for this club were put on ice as well.  Luckily we got one more shot at it in the future. But although I would like to book the same line up, would I risk that again or book folks who really understand what is at stake? The 3 who bought the 80% of audience will be re-booked for sure.  I will not put at stake a monthly show in the hands of comics who feel they don’t have to bring anyone, nothing personal, it’s just bad business to do so.

If every comic had that attitude who would be in the audience? Answer-NOBODY! Show would be cancelled.  See, if I booked Jerry Seinfeld, people would just come in droves, because Jerry has fans, he’s an A-List comic, He will fill a room with no effort at all.  But if I book Jerry Unknown, I would expect that Jerry Unknown would do his part and get some people who follow his career to come and check him out, especially if there's something in the show I am offering like exposure in front of an Agent, DVD taping, giving out a prize etc.

On that night I had a talk with the GM of that club and this is the message he wanted me to relay to the comics of this show and I will share it with you new upcoming comics as well regarding the business of comedy. And I quote- (Not verbatim)

“Comedy is a BUISNESS! Everybody involved in the show has to do their part, including the Comic, especially the Comic, because they are the ones that people are coming out to see and support.  If I give you a room in an A-List Club for non A-List Comics and I have enough confidence in you that you will produce a great show and I see that the Comics do not come through for you, why should I even look at these Comics or even have them come back to perform here? They are not DRAWING folks and drawing folks is what makes our business successful.  If you got a comic who thinks they don’t have to bring folks when you book them, I don’t care how good they are, don’t book them anymore. They will give you a bad rep as a good producer with me and the chances of you doing another show here diminishes”  

This GM went on to tell me, “Julio you worked hard for this show, you got their names up in the Marquee, you booked a decent room for them, and if they didn’t work to fill this room for a sold out show with everything at stake, plus you pay the headliner and the host when you didn’t have to, then they didn’t deserve to be here in the first place.”  This GM had me call every comic on the show and relay this and more so they know the consequences of what happened that night.

Anyone who worked with me knows I just don’t do shows; I do shows with a purpose.  And if I go through the trouble of putting it all together, then let's all work to make it a successful show, this means PROMOTE, PROMOTE, PROMOTE! Don’t just show up and do gig without making an effort to get folks there. Remember- it’s show BIZ.

I relayed this story to a friend of mine who is an A-Lister on the comedy circuit and they told me, “Next time someone you book doesn’t bring anyone, get sarcastic, ask them what color M&M they’d like you to separate from the candy bowl in the Greenroom, or ask them, would you like the EVIAN Water or POLAND SPRINGS?”  

Part of coming up in the comedy game is building up your fan base. Bookers see which of the crop of new Comics have a fan base and will therefore keep booking those Comics, it’s that simple, but we will not book a really awful comic that can bring a lot of folks (Although some bookers do, I don’t) When Dane Cook manipulated this ‘My Space’ deal, who would have thought it would play a major role in building up his fan base the way he did, it was pure genius.  He’s only one of three comics to sell out Madison Square Garden, and not the Paramount Theater either, I mean the GARDEN itself, where the Knicks play!  Imagine performing in front of an audience like that! His ‘My Spacers’ come thru all the time.  And at the level he’s at now, even though he doesn’t have to, he still sends bulletins to his fans to promote his shows, now that’s a Pro!  Dane Cook use to hustle gigs just a lot of you out there, he did bringers too, somewhere along the way someone took notice and the rest is history!

So there are a lot of comics out there in My Space land I work with and a lot I haven’t worked with yet and I have to say that so far I have worked with some awesome Comedians who with time will obviously become big Stars in the Comedy Business.  Because of this I have decided to no longer do bringers, I craft the show, we make the flyer and we promote the show.  This does not mean DO NOT BRING PEOPLE!  We need an audience!  There are some new folks I will book but I make it clear they must bring folks to show.  The ones with fans know they will come through, then you have the “I don’t do bringer shows Comics” They don’t promote, they don’t bark, they pretty much show up and just do gig.  I am telling you this is getting on my nerves and I will cease to book these folks.  I understand how hard it is to bring folks sometimes but if you’re going to do a bringer, do one that counts for something!

Now to argue the point that a Comic bought up to me, which is a good point, they said to me, “Well if I do bringer shows, won’t I be looked at as a Bringer Comic?” The answer is YES!  But after I bought up the fact that I was Booking them for a Hosting gig in an A-Club which they would not have otherwise have been booked in, no less as a host, then they understood the bottom line- BUSINESS!  You see if you are one of those “I’m not a Bringer Comic” folks, then just consider the difference between a real Bringer show where the booker will book anyone sight unseen who will no doubt help to make for a show that sucks, where they say Industry is there, but unbeknownst to you they have been paid to be there and oftentimes are not even there. Where you get an awful quality DVD or tape not worthy to send to an Agent/Manager or Booker, nobody gets paid…now that’s a Bringer show!

Anyone who has worked for me knows I craft a great show with great Comics. Believe me when I say that it has been a privilege to work with some of you, but the next time I ask a comic to bring people to the show and that Comic says to me “I don’t Bringers”, I’m going to say, “I don’t Book Non-Professionals!”  How’s that for a comeback? One Comic said that to me and I said, “Do you have an Agent?” They said, “No” I asked, “Do you have a Manager?” They said “No” Then I asked, “Why should I book you?” They replied because “I’m a great comic” So I said, “If you’re a great Comic, why don’t you have a Manager?” They actually said “They didn’t discover me yet,” I laughed at that and actually thought the person had a set for saying that, then I asked “Do you have a tape or DVD to send me so I can see your act?”  Of course they didn't have one and that became one of those “Thank you for your interest moments” that I hate so much.

I started Comedy Pie to do something different, originally I paid EVERYONE irregardless if new or not, then as the crowds got unpredictable and folks just got too comfortable with my generosity I had to go down to just paying feature and headliner, which I did in last show, but did not have to.  I had to stop giving out prizes and even paid for some out of my own pocket.  I had to stop filming our shows to give out Dvds, why? Because most of the performers did not do their part to make our show a success and how do you think I pay the DVD Guy and for the prize etc? …Let's just forget that the word BRINGER is an actual word, OK? Let’s say we DELIVER and/or FETCH some folks to come to the show instead, how’s that?  

I started all this because there is strength in numbers and I knew a lot of the Comics I ran across were getting royally screwed.  I think I been doing well so far and accomplished some good things for folks out there and I am proud of it all.  I have t say, it all looked good on paper! Unfortunately, not everyone did his or her part, but fear not, I’m Julio Ray; whatever don’t kill me makes me stronger. I ain’t dead yet! 

Anyway, so here are my tips for you to make it in the comedy business, some of you will like it, some won’t, and please give your feedback good or bad, I don’t care, I will reply to everything time permits me to-

·        You are a Commodity! Without you there is no show! Bringer shows are a big part of the Comedy business and if there is one to do that would be beneficial to you then don’t complain, do it!  Especially if you’re really going to be seen by someone who can do something for your career, or get a professional quality DVD or tape out of it or win a prize!  Don’t call a booker for what YOU KNOW is a Bringer show and then say “I don’t do Bringer shows”, it gets on our nerves, even more so when you’re the Producer, like myself.  So if you wondering why I never called you back- that’s why! I don’t want to deal with it.  You don’t feel you have to bring folks so I don’t feel I have to book you- we're even!  I have bad news for everyone; every Comedy show is a bringer show! End of story!

·        Make a promotional packet for yourself.  Headshots, resume, DVD, Cd if you got one etc.  If a booker is good they will not book you for a show unless you send in a Promo packet to them (Hint- if you do, send it in a self addressed stamped envelope to insure you get it back promptly)  The fact is if we see a comic who hasn’t taken the time to do this, then we feel they are not serious about their comedy and most likely will not book them.  Include a business card in your packet.  In some cases I will take in a Comic off another Comics recommendation I have worked with, so far, no problems, but warning, don’t confuse friendship with business! Recommend a bad comic to a booker and it could be detrimental to your relationship with that booker.  In this game, worry about yourself first, and then as you start to build relationships with folks in the business, then of course, help someone along the way.  But remember whomever you bring in will reflect on you, good or bad.  And send in a clean set, it’s always better to send in a clean set and tell them in a letter about your versatility i.e.: Working Blue and other talents.  Most Corporate Bookers ignore Blue Comics.

·        Do not be a once a month OPEN MIC Comic!  Do it wherever and whenever you can.  Open Mics, Bringers, and Family Picnic etc.  I do something bookers do not do in this town and many comics can attest to this- I will actually give the best Comics I see performing well information on sending in their Promotional Packets to folks who will look at it for possible work and/or Representation.  I do not keep anyone in the dark on how to move forward if that is what they choose. And the best comics are the ones that are out there hustling gigs any way they can.  Nothing can cure a comic who sucks better than perpetual stage time and writing, it’s like sex, you can only get better at it, but when you stop, sometimes you bomb!  …. By the way, I don’t do Bringer Sex! Never know what's out there! (See that? Write it with no shame as it comes to you! Whether you use it or not!)

·        BUILD UP YOUR FANBASE!!!!  Anyway, anyhow!  You’ve all done shows where folks come up to you and say, “Hey that was funny!” DO NOT miss the opportunity to give that person a business card with you’re My Space and/or website link and ask them to add you as a friend or write a comment on your website to keep in touch.  That is a FAN! DO NOT let them go away! Learn to do mass mailings, build up your e-mail list! When another Comic sends you an e-mail for one of their shows and forgets to BCC his list, STEAL IT and build yours up like I did! (Sorry Clea!)  Also Schmooze with the fans of the comic who is at the show with you to get some of those fans also, someone is bound to say, “Hey, you were funny. That was pretty good” then BAM, business card!

·        Regardless of what you believe, bookers keep a close eye on those who do not do their part to make the show a success.  If you know no one will come thru for you, be straight up with the booker in a reasonable amount of time, most of the time I will allow it if the show has others who will come thru for the show to pick up their slack.  I’d rather deal with honest folks than Comics who bull you all the time.  If someone builds up the “A Lot of my people are coming to show” crap and on day of show no one comes, that’s not good for you!

·        DO NOT use unoriginal Material! ‘Nuff said! This is a death knell to a Comic and will only get you a Bad Reputation!  Write often and carry a pad & pen with you at all times, you never know when inspiration will find you!

·        Do not sneak in people into the show who do not belong there and say that they paid to get in.  A new comic did this recently and bulled me all night about it even though I checked with club and they had not yet collected one ticket stub, without which they never would have got through the doors, that is unless they pretended to be a comic. To add insult, when it was time for waitresses to give out checks, the non-comic part of the duo did not get a check, furthermore proving they did not pay to get in, also I observed the comic getting drinks from the bar for them taking advantage of the drink policy for comics.  When this happens I usually give that type of comic a courtesy call, but in this case it was so blatant, I just decided to never book this comic again, who on performance night Plagiarized most of their material as well via Margaret Cho & Sarah Silverman.  As I said, a Death Knell in comedy, otherwise I would have made that call.  In this business, you do not want to do stupid things like this.

·        Buy a digital recorder and record all of your sets!  This is good for 2 reasons- you can study your sets to improve them and also you can actually use it to edit and make a master CD copy and self produce it to make an actual CD to sell at your shows and to use in your promotional packet.

·        If you’re not sure, ask questions!  I am happy to share info based on my experience to any Comic who wants it.  There are quite a few who often call me whenever something comes up or just to update me on what they are doing in the comedy world.  Don’t just do comedy, learn the ins and outs of the business, this is going to help you in the long run.  Discern for yourself who is helping you and who is keeping you from furthering yourself.  Most of all do not take criticism badly, if I tell you that you are not ready to host or feature and you do feel you are, chances are I’m probably right.  If I tell you to write more or craft your jokes and make the set tighter by cutting the fat, trust me, do it.  The biggest mistake comics make is to keep performing something they think is funny but for whatever reasons it does not get laughs on the stage, it's hard to let go of an old friend, but either re-work it or just say goodbye to it! I’ve been there, I know! (It was one of the best Bits I ever wrote, stupid people just didn’t get it! It had to do with a product called UNCLE JESSES NUTS on the Impulse rack at most Bodegas in NYC, and to be honest I will not follow my own advice here and let this bit go, that joke will make a comeback someday! Which brings me to my next point….)

·        Believe in what you are saying! Don’t go up there and tell knock knock jokes, tell the audience your experience, your story etc. As ACI teacher Stephen Rosenfeld rightly teaches, “COMMUNICATE JOYOUSLY!”  When you come off that stage people should know a little bit about who you are and identify with the things you say.  Don’t try to be someone you're not, best bet is being yourself and share your pain, and everything else will fall into place.  After all, it is your persona that makes up your comedy so your persona will eventually come out on stage and you will find your voice, for some it happens sooner than others, but I find the more stage time you do the quicker you will find your voice.

·        Don’t step on no toes or cross anyone or be a bullcrap artist in this biz, it will destroy you; nobody likes a DIVA in comedy!  Also refrain from criticizing other comics, let them do their thing and you do yours. I can tell you I was using a virtual unknown a few months ago that has been working so hard at it that now I will put them up against those who criticized them anytime.  Whatever you do in this business and whomever you do it with, be professional at all times and you will be treated like one too, no matter what level of Comedy you are in.

·        Last of all, if you really want to have a career in comedy, always CHALLENGE yourself!  Don’t do the same material wherever you go! It is not unrealistic to say write 5 solid minutes of great material every month. I know writing & performing is a tough chore but the payoff is the laughs you'll get when you hit that stage. A Lazy Comic I define as the one who had 7-10 minutes of solid material 3 months ago and still has the same 7-10 minutes of the same solid material 3 months later.  Set goals for yourself and JUST DO THEM! When you hit 15 minutes of solid material, go to that Booker who’s been making you do bringers for months & months and let them know you’re ready to host!  If they don’t move you up, go to a booker who will.  At the end of a year you can set a goal to be a feature act for instance (30 Minutes) then you go out and get you some feature work.  DO NOT say your ready for something when you’re not ready for it, there can be no excuses when a show goes bad.  Don’t hype yourself up beyond what you can deliver.  Do your talking on stage, in the end FUNNY IS FUNNY, period!  Stay humble on your journey and be smart also. We’re all in this together!

In closing, let me end the way I began, in the business of comedy, EVERYONE has to do their part to make the show successful, the Club Owner gives us the club with confidence we can perform not only a great show for us, but a profitable show for them. The Club Staff is the Backbone of any show, they work hard and often when the draw is not so good, Club Managers often cut that job and they suffer as a result of low crowds and get sent home in many cases, and that’s not good.  The Producer puts it all together, makes the deal at the club, handles all the small details that make show go well, acts as a liaison/coordinator between club staff and comics and in some cases directs the show as well.  The Booker handles the talent and is responsible for formation of a great line up, and last but not least, the Comic, without whom there would be no show and which the business of Comedy Clubs is based on.  And whether you like it or not, it is the Club Owners, Producers & Bookers who will decide when you are no longer a Bringer Comic and even then, right before you get to that level where people are paying to book you through an Agency, keep in mind that if people don’t come out to see you, they don’t care how famous you are in this business, they will not book a bad draw, period!  “If no-one is knocking down your door…” to half quote Jeff Foxworthy, “you might be a Bringer Comic!”

As you get better you will find Bookers like me who want you on their shows because you ARE THAT GOOD! And when that happens- now is the time to Bargain with that Booker!  What can I do for you? Free Spot? Pay?  Hosting Spot? Feature Spot? Just ask! I want you on my show!  See where I’m going with all this folks?  Do your part! Or we will all go down together!

…. There’s No BUISNESS Like Show BUSINESS! 

Peace-N-Blessings, Life Is Good! -Julio ....My Blog is Over, The Julio has Spoken!

It's official! America has gone mad! For a nation that was started out by a bunch of White guys who did'nt wanna pay taxes (not much of a change from today, eh?) To today's Reality show Generation -arent we just one big dysfunctional country?  Everyone complains about possibly being wiretapped by the Bush Administration because they want their privacy....this from a Generation who would sell their mothers for a chance to eat Pig hoofs and Goat Eyes on Fear Factor.  The same generation that doesn't mind voting for an American Idol but doesn't showup for Primary & General Elections; the same Generation who put Paris Hilton in a controversial hamberger commercial for a franchise out in California- what was the big deal? It's not the first time anyone has seen her on her knees eating meat!..our country is not screwed up because of our elected officials- it's screwed up because we don't do anything about it! We allow it! So listen people, if you're on the internet now go to www.c-span.org where you can click links to write your Senators and/or Representatives, and also you can go to WorkingForChange where you can choose issues to write elected officilas about under the Activism link and you can even edit the Pre-prepared letters to say what you want to say about any issue from the Environment to Lobby Reform and it will automatically send it to your elected officials who need to get an earful from all of us, OR YOU CAN WRITE THE PRESIDENT AT  WHITEHOUSE, THE SENATE AT SENATE , AND YOUR REPRESENTATIVE AT HOUSE , TELL 'EM THE JULIO SENT YOU!   PLEASE CHECK IT OUT- IT ONLY TAKES A FEW MOMENTS TO DO THIS! Both parties have gotten really unacceptably out of hand and we are the last bastion of hope for mankind! WE THE PEOPLE! And we can start by complaining about the Illegals in our country- they need to be dragged out back where they came from and only we can do it!....those damned CANADIANS! Stop coming here and stealing our beer supply! What the hell is wrong with you Canucks? ....Seriously, whether you are Democrat, Republican, Independant or whatever else-Get involved people, let's clean up this mess before they kill off themiddle class! My mini blog is over-The Julio has spoken!

Can we all agree to leave Jesus alone?  I am a Christian and I am sick and tired of watching all these people in government and the entertainment industry cashing in on Jesus.  From Televangelists who live in mansions and drive Jaguars to Politicians who quote Him all the time. (Bad news Lincoln fans, the whole “House Divided” line in that famous speech, yes, it was Jesus! Not Lincoln.)  Marilyn Manson has made a hell of a living with such albums as “Anti Christ Superstar” and “Cruci-Fiction” and I’m not knocking it, make a living dude, more power to you, but if you don’t believe, why do you use iconic images in your videos and albums? Answer- you need Jesus!  That’s right, without Jesus you wouldn’t have a career! Another problem I have is the hypocrisy of someone who is so adamantly so anti Jesus that they spend most of their time fighting Him even though they believe He doesn’t exist. That would be the equivalent of me starting a campaign to stop Disneyland from having adults put on those cartoon character suits because I don’t want my kids to think they're real.  And once and for all I am damned sick and tired of the media referring to catholicism as Christianity.  There is a difference between a religion and faith.  Religion is mans way of getting in touch with God, faith is Gods way of getting in touch with man.  Catholics follow the catholic church, their dogmas and the pope as opposed to Christians who follow the examples of Christ and believe He and only He can dish out salvation to men, not through priests in an organized religion such as they are by eating a piece of factory manufactured wafers and following seven sacraments.  But hey, catholics have a right to do what they do, just like the Islamists- Hey if you wanna have virgins after you die more power to you, as for me- I'd rather get laid now!(Oh Jesus forgive me! I know I ain't right!)  This is America and we still have freedom of religion and separation between church and state.  Let all of us of all religions and faiths agree to stop fighting about who's right and who's wrong.  I am right and that’s my final answer just as you who believe differently believe that you are right.  So let that be the beginning and end of it. 

But one thing we must all agree on is for anyone to stop attacking the core of our beliefs in vulgar & inexcusable ways, except Scientology- that's a Cult for rich Hollywood asses like Tom Cruise and Chef from South Park....Yes there must be freedom of speech but there is a difference between reporting news, comedy and cartoons.  In comedy ridiculing is allowed as far as religion goes, it's a show and a particular comic may want to chime in on the subject.  In news, facts should be reported not innuendo and half baked nonsense that has become the unsubstantiated unconfirmed news we see today.  As far as the cartoonist in Denmark who sparked the furor over the Mohammad cartoon, he had every right, but in his ignorance he didnt realize the outrage it would cause and it is cases like these where people must excersise their own judgement.  I wouldnt tell a Mohammad joke in Saudi Arabia for instance, although I must say, some fundamentalists from all religions need some serious anger management courses. ... We all recruit,  that’s factual.  Every religion and faith has a duty to spread the beliefs in their system to give people a chance to serve God in their particular beliefs.  If that person refuses to hear what you have to say, they have a right not to hear, however if the person from the faith feels driven to hand out information about their particular belief, you also have the right not to take the handout.  You see in religion and faith it's all about conversion and change for the spirituality of the person involved, for peace of mind knowing a higher power cares about you, regardless if some believe it to be the Christian God Jesus, or Buddha, or Allah.  All of us of a particular faith can break down another faith and explain why we feel it's a false belief, based on what we've known up to that time.  We need to stop the debate about it because there are too many wars that resulted from this disagreement in world history and from man trying to force ones religion on another.  This is why I have a problem with mass media constantly stating that Christians were the crusaders of Europe, this is false, it was the catholic church and it's religion system that ruled the dark ages.  I am demanding and ordering the catholic church right now to stop using the name of Jesus Christ to justify anything you do politically in this world, it must stop immediately.  All of us who serve in religions and faith in ways we believe in want fanatical dumbass conservative judgmental fundamentalist state sponsored religion to stop using our beliefs to try to further their greedy money grubbing agendas.  In my case since I’m a Christian in America I am calling for American politicians to LEAVE JESUS ALONE!  Stop quoting Him!  You all look like fools trying to tie in Jesus to any bill by which you rob taxpayer’s blind!  The current President claims to be a Christian but everything he does is obviously compounded by lies that are so big that I cannot believe it.  Bush is one of many men in history who has used the name of Christ to rally simple folks into worldly agendas for which Christ Himself has no interest.  Look at Majority leader Bill Frist, the fast talkin' snake oil salesman politician who tried to diagnose poor Terry Shiavo without ever having seen her.  I wonder if this fundamentalist can hear me cough over the phone without cupping my balls and diagnose me, another example of some jackass who claims Jesus but acts insane.  Need I mention the Katrina disaster?  Or Pat Robertsons dumb comments constantly sticking his foot in his mouth trying to speak for Christ- hey Pat you idiot- Christ speaks for Himself- it's called the 1611 King James Bible, try reading it sometime! Especially the part that reads "Sell all that you have and follow me"  Oh I forgot Pat, you're too busy trying to sell Pats healthy shakes on the 700 club,....HYPOCRITE! And look at Oral Roberts, his first name is a sin!  Thats like being named Murder Michaels or Sodomy Sam Daniels...what's up wit dat? 

There's no difference between Constantine claiming he saw a cross in the sky rallying masses to war and Bush & the Neo-cons using Christ’s good name to further a personal right wing agenda.  Jesus is the most attacked and misused name on the planet and I find it interesting that in all facets of American life we attack Jesus so much that Americans who don’t believe in Him are willing to take Him to court!  This, in and of itself should prove His existence!  Not that we need any proof.  From prayer in the school to the Ten Commandments, people who have no belief system are sure expending lots of time fighting Jesus in court.  Just leave Jesus alone people!  And I must, to be fair, say to the hypocrite politicians of America to stop using Jesus to force on those who do not believe.  Lets call it a draw people!  Even Jesus said “Give those things to Caesar that are Caesars, and give those things to God which belong to God” Wow, Jesus created the separation of church and state?  Well let's follow that example people, remember we’re governed by the constitution not the Bible!  In spiritual matters that may be different but it doesn’t apply to those who do not believe.  So in the interest of peace, let's all agree to leave Jesus alone!  Let's leave Allah & Mohamad alone!  Let's leave Buddha alone!  Let's leave the pope alone!  Let's leave the Rabbis alone! Let's leave the Dahli Lama alone!  The smiling Hindu Elephant head god thing with eight arms, Knish, let’s leave him alone!  Get my point?  There's too much ignorance in all this and I’m the perfect example.  I can find out the appropriate name of the Hindu elephant god but I don’t want to, because I don’t care.  Does this offend anyone who may believe in that?  Yes of course, and for this I do so apologize, but I will not apologize for not believing that someone with an elephant head is God.  Just as you will not believe Jesus is Lord.  So let's just live our lives and chose to believe what we will believe.  Let's all agree from now on that all icons of religion and faith are off hands to public ridiculing, I mean look at what happened with the outrage of the Danish cartoon about Mohammad with a bomb in his turban, we just have to understand that some cultures are different and we have to respect that, don't you people watch STAR TREK?  We can learn something from the PRIME DIRECTIVE- don't interfere in other peoples cultures!  Too bad President Bush wasnt a TREKKIE! we can learn from the Trekkies.  Let me be the first to offer the Hindu people a heartfelt apology for what I just did to comment on your god Ganesh.  I did it to prove a point.  That when one speaks of another’s beliefs that are not their own we look like fools just as I just did.  So in closing, God bless us all- Everyone!  Let's make that a little more universal; maybe it’ll catch on, to everyone of every religion and faith in the world- I say, Peace and Blessings! My blog is over- The Julio has spoken!    

Okay people, why are the pharmaceuticals making dick pills?  Can't we tackle cancer, diabetes and muscular sclerosis? Aren’t those things important? When did we as a nation decide that dick pills were a priority? I don’t remember the Presidential address for that one.  “We must defeat the terrorists and maintain a three hour erection here at home!”  Don’t taxpayers pay for research & development?  When did we agree to this?  We seem to think the answers to all our problems comes in a pill.  Depressed? Take a pill! (Personally, I recommend doing something happy like smoking a joint and watching the Cartoon Network, but that’s just me! I’m not a Doctor.)  Anger problems?  Take a pill!  (Again, pot seems to work here, but who wants melancholy happy feelings when it means you might go to jail?)  Can’t socialize? Take a pill! Yes there's actually a pill for that too!  Side effects include diarrhea, brain hemorrhaging and shortness of breath, ....hey, that’s a party I would love to attend!  I loved to hear the news report recently that prolonged Viagra use does indeed cause blindness.  Who wants to be blind with a woody? It was supreme justice!  It was like God was saying “Hey if you can’t get it up maybe you don’t need to be having sexual relations!”  Even after this little factoid there are guys willing to risk this side effect, which doesn’t say much for most of us guys.  Hey look Ladies, I’ll admit it for us all, Guys are stupid, okay? But in exchange y’all have to admit that you're all crazy! But that’s another subject for another future Julio Blog.   Pharmaceutical companies have gone insane! In my opinion they are worse than crack dealers!  Did you see the commercial for that new pill called TOPROL? It is a pill for people with yet some new condition involving slow heartbeats and in the commercial it says if you stop taking it that it may cause a Heart Attack!  They got some pill now for some new condition called "Restless Leg Syndrome" What the heck is that?  And does anyone remember the pill commercial with Della Reese in it telling people to ask your doctor about some particular pill and there was no mention about what it was for or what it did? It was just Della Reese and a bunch of Old & Young people dancing around all happy on this pill.  The Federal Trade commision and Food & Drug Administration forced them to pull the ad under pressure from watchdog groups because it did'nt mention what the heck it was and people were asking their Doctors about it with the free try out coupon they would send thru the mail.  Whatever it was, I'm sure if you take it, you too can be "Touched By An Angel"! With pharmaceuticals, as always, "the first ones free!"

But back to the subject at hand,.. From the moment we’re born we have stages of our "Things" like Dante’s Inferno.  First we’re in the baby stage with our cute little “Wee-wees” Then when we can walk we have “Pee-pees!”  When it comes up as a child and it involves a conversation with your friend it becomes a “Ding-a-ling” (Example “Tell my parents to call a doctor- I think I crushed my ding-a-ling on my bike handle!”)  Then of course you have “Ding Dong” used only by a person you're discussing your ding-a-ling with, (Example “Julio had an accident on his bicycle, he said he might have crushed his ding dong”) Then there's the “Wiener” stage, used only in kids sports by the coach,  “Put this cup on Julio, it’ll protect your wiener.”   “Thing” is used when having a conversation about your wiener with a girl in the teen years and/or referring to "It" in a Blog, such as the first sentence in this paragraph.  We continue our journey by visiting the doctor where you for the first time in your life learn the medical word for your “Thing” and that word is of course “Penis” So now you're a little older in the girlfriend years- this is when your penis officially becomes your “Dick” At some point in your relationship the "Thing" will either in an argument while you're being a total macho buttwipe or in a moment of pure bliss become in it's evolutionary process a “Pipe” We cannot have this discussion without including the word “Prick” which only dickheads use in sentences, but that’s yet another Julio blog altogether! 

Then of course there's those ones in between like “Johnson” “Ramrod” and it just goes on and on until you come to that final stage in your life when you're a guy who has lived his full life, your wife has passed on, the kids got the house, sometimes they visit, sometimes they don’t and you sit on your wheelchair in the nursing home reminiscing with all the other old guys about you glory days when you had a workable “Pipe” At this stage you have a choice between a “Schlong” or just saying “Prostate” and sadly when you die if someone didn’t like you they will say “I'm glad he's dead , he was such a TOOL!”  My point in all this is that there's just entirely too much pressure on a guy without having to have all these dick pills to add to our anxiety.......Which brings me to my next point and that is- my “Nuts” I hate my Nuts!  It's like dragging 2 cue balls around with you everywhere you go. Like mini breasts between your legs, and you women think you have problems?!

I often wonder why God put our nuts on the outside instead of our inside.  See, in computers you have a choice of an internal modem or an external modem, that’s just the way it is by design.  With nuts I think God figured out if these guys get out of hand with the women the girls are going to need a place they could kick to bring him back ON-LINE.  And with that said, I await the day when our great medical minds will figure a way to invent a pill to improve on nut maximization. There could be a nut enhancement pill, or maybe a nut cosmetic procedure to hide them away to rid us forever of the paranoia of getting kicked by a female.  Or! Dare I dream? A pill that will allow you to be kicked in the nuts without the pain!  Forget a cure for cancer I’d rather have that!  Who else but me would have the balls to write such an article? Such is life in the Viagra Nation.  My Blog is over, the Julio Has spoken!

I am sick and tired of getting auto responses from politicians just because I can’t afford a $1,000.00 a plate dinner or $25,000.00 for a photo op.  Especially the President of the United States, I mean why have e-mail if you don’t respond? I wrote one to Clinton and he sent me a nice autographed photo even though I accused him of selling secrets to the Chinese! Now that’s classy!  Since the current President insists on ignoring me, Julio of Julioville, I have decided to write this letter to avoid getting an auto response.  My invitation to challenge Carl Rove (aka Turd Blossom), the Presidents man in charge of bad ideas, in a Barbed Wire Hardcore Texas Strap 4 corner Blindfold First Blood Ladder match in a WWE pay per view event is still open.  When criminals commit crimes people must go to jail. Well, things have gone wrong here and there must be a reckoning!  Now don’t let your kids read the following because I intend to use my freedom of Speech rights here in a letter that will be remembered in Presidential history as one that captures the American Spirit. 

Dear Mr. President,

                                    Are you  FREAKIN' crazy? What the hell was you thinking when you went to war with Iraq?  Lie after lie y’all finally decided to go with “They broke the UN resolutions” Well Israel broke 3 times as many UN resolutions but I don’t see us at war with them!  It’s all about the oil isn’t it?  At this point in our history now that you’ve totally screwed our country beyond repair in economic ruins and no credibility in this world to speak of, just tell me one truth, I implore you! Just one! I don’t care what it is! Just for the sake of having me stop writing you e-mails tell one thing that is true.  Everything you spew from your mouth has been a lie and people are dying for it.  You need to be impeached immediately so I am ordering you, along with Dick Cheney to step down and go do what you really inspire to do, be a Freakin' Prince in the Royal Saudi Family.  That’s right I said it!  I can and you can’t do a Freakin' thing about it! I’m a proud American and I say, “Give me Liberty or I’ll give you expletives!” 

I am not making death threats here, that would be against the law!  I’m just letting you know that I think you’re a Freakin' Dick Cheney Patsy and you hate the American people and everything you do shows me that you do.  You call yourself a Christian but your actions speak differently.  In The Observer, November 2, 2003 you were quoted as saying “I feel like God wants me to run for President.  I know it won’t be easy for me or my family but God wants me to do it.”  What you failed to tell the American people is that your god wears a turban and owns a lot of oil and likes to walk the grounds of the Whitehouse holding your hands while discussing how beautiful the flowers are while you allow his country to breed more terrorists than roaches breed in an abandoned New York City tenement building.  On  July 7th 2005 were the terrorist attacks in London.  What plans do you have of exploiting this to further a right wing agenda here in America?  Or maybe there's more Natural Resource Exploitation to do in Africa, like your Dads exploitation of Diamond mines before attention was bought to Apartheid in South Africa.  Perhaps billions more in farm subsidies (or as the rest of us call it, corporate welfare) to ruin undeveloped countries from fair trade?  I’m watching you and with every screw up you commit, remember that’s another eternity that you will burn in hell for from the judgment you’ll receive from the Jesus you so claim to love.  I don’t think you read the Bible.  You better check out your reading comprehension with some of that great “No Child Left Behind” accountability tests.  If the devil is the father of all lies, then you're the stepson of all Bullcrap!  Yes, I am a Christian, and I know I curse a lot, but the difference between you and I is that at least I know I’m a freakin' hypocrite sinner. Like alcoholism, which you know a lot about, the first step in becoming a Christian is admitting you have a darn problem!  You will go down in American History as the only president to squander his entire presidency for the gain of corporations at the expense of the American people.  I have no respect for you whatsoever.  You are worthless to the American people and me.  Iraq will go the way of Iran in 1979 as soon as we leave there, any idiot can see that.  There will be no democracy in Iraq, even though Chalobi (Who was in exile for robbing Jordan of millions of dollars in yet another scam) , your handpicked TEMP leader(Now some jackass named TALIBANI- How's that for IRONY?) of Iraq suggested elections with a ‘one man one vote’ election, your administration said, “No, No, we have a caucus system!” So your guy can come out on top, and now they are protesting that it was a fixed election and well on their way to a possible Civil War!  So much for Bush brand democracy!  No wonder the world hates us!  You've created another Fundementalist Islamic State!  I can hear all your boys now calling me anti American and all that.  I’m more American and love America more than all you neo-cons put together!  You have no love for our country and all your actions spell it out to all of us who think independently of the propaganda bullcrap your administration puts out through corporate media misinformation that make non attentive people more stupid by the day.  In the minds of honest truth seekers all over America in this generation and people all over the world that see through your lies and deception your administration will always be remembered by us as the Bush & Dick administration, because we as Americans will never forget how you and your asswipe cohorts F@*&ed our beloved nation into oblivion.  Your mess will take years to fix and believe me it will be because this is still America and in the end when we get fed up, we fight back don’t ever forget that you Idiot!  Goodbye jackass!  I’ve written this letter on behalf of all Americans that despise you who have no voice in print, media or otherwise.  We are in the millions and it is we, WE THE PEOPLE who will set things straight again and make right what you and your oil corporate friends have messed up.  If you have any comments on anything I’ve said I would really appreciate that you for once in your life be a man, speak for yourself and face me on any of these issues, one on one.  But I imagine you won’t because you are the only modern day president who does not answer to the people.  You handpick your audiences and you even provide the press with questions pre picked by your handlers.  You sir, are no damned good!  Have a nice day Patsy!                                                                                                                                                  Yours, Julio of Julioville

P.S.  A pile of Texas farm cow crap with chicken flu & ebola virus would be a better president than you! Your not even from Texas, you're a New Haven Connecticut Yankee! Yet another Bush lie! Boy oh boy, you'd better stop wearing Jesus on your sleeve son; the fires getting hotter Brotha! My letter is over, The Julio has spoken!

I was in New York City when it all went down and I don’t really like to talk about September 11th 2001.  It was tough to watch it all go down, like a bad movie, surreal, hard to live through.  When the towers actually came crashing down all you could think about was that you hoped no one was inside.  A lot of people tried to offer help to the rescue people that day but understandably it was a dangerous site, we just didn’t realize it on that day.  There were Heroes on that day no doubt, both in uniform and civilians, some dead and some living, and we should honor them all.  This chapter is about the disgust I have with the actions that took place after 911 by politicians that in my mind made them worthy of public executions.  I call it “The 911 Excuse” and many were guilty of it too.  From the con people who tried to convince the government their loved ones were dead when they really were alive trying to commit fraud, a U.S. Congress ripping off taxpayers comparable to a group of fat Pigs fighting over a morsel in a mud hole with their countless pork barrel projects politicians from hell dreamt up to take advantage of a mourning nation.  Lets just look at a few undisputable facts since 911, most involving George W. Bush and his infamous Pinocchio Administration. Remember these are facts! No Opinions, no partisan bull, and I want you to consider these actions and ask you come to your own conclusions, not based on your party politics but facts.  Some partisans will say that only the negatives were shown and the positives weren’t.  In light of the event and the subsequent actions by the U.S. Government the most American thing we can do is to question the motives with a zest and zeal the founders would be proud of.  The media has made a circus of facts as of late by giving the American people a constant barrage of two party system bickering and partisan points of view often leaving out facts. 

Most Americans don’t know that the Government hired the Rendon Group, a consulting firm describing itself as “Specializing in assisting corporations, organizations and governments in achieving their policy objectives” On Oct. 25th 2001, Pentagon media  Officer LT. COL. Kenneth McClellan announced that The Rendon group received a $400,000 no bid government contract over 4 months to monitor media, conduct focus groups and opinion surveys to counter what the pentagon saw as misinformation. (I.E. any anti war dissent) A new contract was also renewed for 2002, this is public record.  Curiously, The Rendon Group also served the first Bush administration in another no bid governmental 23 million dollar contract.  My point in this is the media has gotten too corporate for us to get any real factual news from anymore and that it is actually formed by groups like these to shape minds of people even through outright lies, such as the many on record regarding going to war with Iraq by the Pinocchio administration.  When a New York Times article wrote that “The Pentagon is developing plans to provide news items, possibly false ones, to foreign media organizations as part of effort to influence public sentiment and policy makers in both friendly and unfriendly countries” the leak alarmed the Pentagon and a week later Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said “I met with Undersecretary Doug Feith this morning and He indicated to me that He's decided to close down the Office of Strategic Influence” Office of what?  When did we become nazis?  Gratefully there are still world leaders today who actually look at facts and act upon truth such as Spain’s Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero who said, “You cannot organize a War with lies.  Mr. Blair and Mr. Bush must do some reflection and self-criticism” He went on to pull out 1,300 Spanish troops from Iraq by the end of that summer.  It would be nice to have a leader here in the U.S. who was a thinker and put together facts and present them to the American people in a way that would get all Americans behind a true war on Al-Queda, on this there should be no divisions here at home, we should hunt them like animals all over the world for what they did to us on 911, but people please tell me what the F#@! are we doing in Iraq?  Here are some facts to chew on, I hope you get just as mad as me when I found out they were true.  

·        When the F.B.I investigated Zacarias Moussaouis activities documenting his desire to fly planes without interest in landing them, Attorney General John Ashcroft turned down their request for a search warrant to get his personal computer.  However starting on July 26th, 2001 Ashcroft was so worried about hijacking of commercial flights that he no longer boarded them, and neither he nor anyone in the Pinocchio Administration warned airport authorities to heighten security.  Hmmmm, what was John worried about?     

·        August 6, 2001- George W. Bush was briefed about Osama Bin Laden plot to attack targets within United States using hijacked planes on such possible targets as The World Trade Center and Pentagon.  Again no action taken.  

·        Both Russian & German intelligence agencies knew of Bin laden plot to attack America in summer of 2001.                                                                              

·        In the weeks before 911 “Put’ stock options in United and American Airlines went through unprecedented investment.  “Put Options” are shares that are bets on falling market prices for specific stocks.  Also “Put Options” for Merrill Lynch & Morgan Stanley, both occupants of the World Trade Center, also saw abnormal activity.  Most of these investments in form of these type of options originated in Germany through the Deutche bank whose vice chairman in charge of “Private Client Relations” was A.B. Krongard, who in March of 2001, six months before 911, George W. Bush appointed as Executive director of the C.I.A. Relevant here is the fact that the C.I.A. had bugging equipment on Bin Laden messages and International banking Operations.  To date no one has claimed the money and questions remain about Krongard and the CIA’s involvement.  Keep an eye on where the money goes!  

·        George W. Bush put up road blocks to investigations of Bin Laden family by Deputy Director of the FBI at the time, John O’Neill, who was the lead investigator of Osama Bin Ladens terrorist activities.  In Jan. 2001, Mr. O’Neill received a directive from the Whitehouse stopping his investigations of two of Osamas brothers who resided in Falls Church, VA.  John resigned in protest and said “The main obstacles to investigate Islamic terrorism were U.S oil interests and role played by Saudi Arabia in it.”  Ironically Mr. O’Neill became chief of security of the World Trade center and died in the 911 attacks.

·        Flashback to June 1990, George W. Bush sells his holdings in Harken oil for $848,000.00, cashing in right before the company failed.  Getting it?

·        At the direction of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld in spite of skepticism by the US Congress, the Crusader Artillery System was greatly invested in prior to 911.  In the fall of 2001 Carlyle Group went public with United Defense Stock offerings and among those that profited were the CEO of Carlyle Group, Frank Carlucci, President Reagan’s former Secretary of Defense, Members of The Bush Family and James Baker, former Secretary of State under the first Bush Presidency.  When conflicts of interest arose Rumsfeld withdrew his support of the Crusader thought to be by most all military Generals as outmoded equipment.  Curiously Carlucci was an old college buddy of Rumsfeld. 

·        When the families of the victims of 911 tried to sue the Saudis guess whom the Saudis hired to defend them from being sued?  James Baker, former Secretary of State, does anyone besides me smell asshole here?   

Do y’all see where I’m going with this?  If this were a court of law and evidence like this was piled upon anybody there wouldn’t even be room for “Reasonable Doubt” It’s all about Oil & Money.  A monkey could put this puzzle together.  Bush, our commander in thief, is nothing less than a Saudi Arabian loyalist & corporate oil anti American puppet.

·        The Bush administration was dealing with the Taliban prior to 911 on behalf of Unocal Oil to get an agreement to build a pipeline from the natural gas rich fields of Turkmenistan through Afghanistan, Pakistan & Asian markets.  Among advisors to Unocal at the time was Zalmay Khalilzad, an Afghan American academic who was part of foreign policy think tanks, which included, surprise!  Frank Carlucci.  Mr. Khalilzad joined the Talibans lobbyist Laila Helms (Relative of former CIA director Richard Helms) in direct talks between the Taliban and the Bush administration right up to July of 2001.  When the Taliban refused pipeline offers the Bush administration made it known to strike back at the Taliban as early as August of 2001.  This is important because during the war in Afghanistan after 911 the Pentagon established security points during the entire military operation that reflected the route of proposed pipeline.  Only after the country was under US control and installing Hamid Karzai as hand picked US leader of Afghanistan did the pipeline become reality.  Keep in mind by the way that ol’ Hamid was a former consultant for Unocal! 

Conclusion- we have people in government who are willing to sell out on our county for personal profit and I believe it started when the election was stolen in 2000.  When the count was being handled constitutionally, but the results didn’t favor the oil boys, the US Supreme Court stepped in and stopped the count when it began to favored Gore, thus stealing the election and voiding the court as legitimate in my view.  I think back on how Clinton survived through a barrage of attacks during his Presidency and I wonder now if George Bush senior was supposed to “win” that election.  This oil plan has been in the works for God knows how long but I know one thing, God Knows!  We need to weed out these people from politics with heavy penalties and lifetime jail sentences.  As long as we allow our politicians to be bribed in our process, we will get a government as stupid as it's people.  Let’s take our country back folks!....My blog is over, The Julio has spoken! 

I gave to the Red Cross and I urge you to do the same, go to www.redcross.com for more info or call 1-800-HELP NOW.  Now to my blog........

Hey look, I understand the "The only Black thing Bush likes is oil argument" but let's stop yelling at the man who has the power to clean things up!  I'm not very pro- DUBYA  myself but I think the administration got the message.  Let's all jump in and help however we can and wait until the last person is evacuated.....then we can yell at all the local, state, city and federal government officials who ignored the solutions to this problem which could have been overted had a plan to prevent this mess been executed like it should have been.  And yes there were plans.

Why did'nt the Government officials act quickly enough?  Was it racial?  I have another theory... I think there is such a thing as economic racism, unfortunately most of the poor people in this situation who could not for economic reasons leave were African Americans(or Blacks as my friends here in NYC say, partly because they never been to Africa, and I'm quoting! But that's besides the point.)  It was simply ECONOMIC RACISM.  If this was Crawford Texas or Kennebunkport Maine, the whole thing would have been done already, who are we kidding?  It's a poor people thing, no matter what race.  One thing for sure, if after the disaster JFK Jr.'s (if he were alive today) plane crashed there, the U.S. Navy would have shown up to look for him, and not days later! 

If I had to advise Bush I would have said take a lesson from 911, go to the scene of the hurricane, take a Bullhorn, have lots of emergency services personel in the photo op and say " I HAVE HEARD YOUR VOICES, AND WE KNOW KATRINA, THAT BITCH, HAS DONE THIS!  WE WILL HUNT HER DOWN AND BRING HER TO JUSTICE!"  Someone once said "History teaches us that man learns nothing from history"  How true that is!

Kanye West, the rapper is being ripped by some media outlets for saying "Bush does not care about Black People" and for pointing out the media outlets(FOX NEWS & some papers) are portraying Black folks as "looters" and white folks as "survivors."  The Man is expressing his views and thats what America is all about.  It cannot be proven that Bush actually doesnt care about Black people, but on the point of the media, I have to say also that it was because of the media that the situation became exposed and got government officials asses into gear! But where were they when we took a U-Turn into Iraq? 

There were looters and I have to say I dont know what the hell they were thinking, I mean what the hell are you going to do with a big screen TV in a town under water, plug it in and watch ESPN?  That kills the oppression argument for the looters.  That's why I'm glad my family doesnt live in New Orleans, I would die seeing 50 of my cousins robbing the electronics section of Walmart (sadly, they would) and stopping for the news cameras to complain that the government doesnt care about transporting them and their expensive factory boxed belongings that they saved from "home" to safety.

The bottom line is the elected officials from all levels screwed it up and we need to learn from this because the plans to avoid all this were there, but once again in our arrogance, we ignored the people who cried out about what would happen to the coasts of Louisianna & Mississippi and now the costs to rebuild will far outweigh what it would have cost to heed the warnings years ago.  I wonder if the President ever got a memo that said "Katrina, that Bitch, determined to attack New Orleans"....... Do I smell "Independant Katrina Commision"

I wonder will the President bring order and rebuild this region of our own country as opposed to Iraq.  When He finds out that a large portion of our oil was routed thru New Orleans I'm sure they will act more quickly, or maybe thats why they have.  We needed a leader in this moment and Dubya struck out bigtime.  But I will give the benefit of the doubt to the President, as far as Homeland Security, someones head has to roll!  If anyone gets a Presidential Medal of Freedom for this one I will shoot them myself!   We referred to Iraq as a weapon of mass distraction on the War on Terror,  The Administration has a history of using other news items to sorta get off one subject and start a dialog on another, so what will be the news item of mass distraction this time?  Chief Justice William Renquist died last night and God Bless him, I'm sure The Pinocchio administration can use this to move on to other things....I wonder if the Chief Justice was watching all this going on and I wonder if it broke his heart, and if it indeed killed him, now that's what I call "Compassionate Conservatism."  But No distractions this time!  Now let's stop all this divisiveness and prejudice and stereotyping and let's round up the 11.5 million Illegal Mexicans in our country and lets rebuild New Orleans on budget and on time!   My blog is over, The Julio has spoken!

MY BOOK - "IF GEORGE W. BUSH CAN BE PRESIDENT, THEN I CAN BE AN AUTHOR!" Was to be published by VANTAGE PRESS, however publishing would have been too costly for me and there was a 6 month waiting period to get it published and printed.  So here I will feature chapters from the original manuscript, enjoy my loyal fans! The first are called "Blueprint To Save The World", "Jellyfish Men" & The Right To Blues"....Gonzo Journalism , the Julio way! ENJOY!

George W. Pinnochio

I have a new name for my people and I think it's really going to catch on.  You see since the politically correct age came along some Black people have decided to change the name of their people here in the U.S. to “African-Americans” So to keep things fresh for my Boriqua Brothers & Sisters I am officially announcing here today that we will forever be known from now on as “Amer-Ricans” You see what I’m saying?  We’re Puerto Ricans but were Americans too!  The largest growing minority in the USA, and the man is just lining up to kiss our asses to get the vote and the dollar!  It's all about the vote and the dollar in America.  I would suggest to my Black/African-American friends (my friends say ‘Black’) that we join forces and become the biggest political force in modern American politics for social justice ever organized, the AfroAmer-Rican Broalition!  Just think of the foundations of Washington shaking to the ground if an organization like this was ever organized.  They hate when people organize!  It makes the election results uncertain.  Imagine how scared they will be if we went to not only vote in the General election, but made it a point to make the primary elections as well!  I’m talking about in the millions!  This is the only way change will occur.  I have already decided that any important changes to come in world history from now on will not be because of the actions of politicians who refuse social justice for the poorest of the poor throughout the world but change will be as a result of ordinary people who will force the change.  The recent Live 8 concert was just an example of things to come.  There were significant changes as a result but of course again not enough to really stop the craziness of ending poverty in the world.  Sooner or later I am predicting that a battle will occur between the classes in many nations because the ruling elite is just out of control and many are suffering as a result.  Just how much money do they need?  Soon it will be time to kill the top rich 1% and believe me it will be done with extreme prejudice.  The poor of the world will spare those who were charitable to the poor like Bill Gates, Ted Turner and the crazy ass rich English guy who owns Virgin Airlines who had the reality show to give his job away.  We need more crazy ass rich people in this world.  Oh Oprah too, you know the ones who did some good in this world.  We won’t even hurt the celebrities that give time to charitable causes to raise awareness.  That’s not the way the Afro Amer-Rican Broalition will work.  We will only go after greedy corporate red meat eating blood dripping from their jowls top rich 1%, they have to go!  If not by vote, by asswhooping and/or Guillotine!  It will be a Robin Hood policy, steal from the rich and give to the poor instead of the other way around.  We will not exclude non Afro Amer-Rican people from joining our organization either as time and support for our cause grows in prominence.  Eventually we will be the Melting Pot organization.  We will win national local, and state offices and we will overtake the bastards and wenches that pretend to represent us today.  We will make change happen.  Here is my 10 point Blueprint to save the world as we know it.

·        Kill the Top Rich 1% (Only the bad greedy ones) and take their riches and redistribute amongst the poorest of the world.

·        Hunt down world leaders who live richly while their populations suffer and turn over the government to the poorest person in it to rule justly an wisely.

·        Separation of church and state must be recognized in all nations. (Kill all who disagree)

·        Get rid of all weapons of mass destruction all over the world and spend the money on infrastructure in all nations who need a modern day Marshall Plan.  Also a freeze on space exploration must occur too.  I mind very much spending my tax dollars so some six figure earning idiot nerd in NASA can jump for joy because they got the 3 billion dollar Go-Cart on mars to get out of a pit and take some more million dollar pictures of a far away desert. 

·        Rally the inventors of the world to create alternative sources for oil and gas!  Sooner or later it's going to run out folks!  The blindness and greediness of these people must be dealt with sooner than later.  Are we really going to sell out? 

·        Have every elected official in every office that exists all over the world susceptible to a referendum by the people to oust them at any sign of wrongdoing.  People must have the power to kick the bums out without having to put up with the crooks until their term is expired only to be vulnerable to more ‘In your face’ lying and cover ups stopping progress in important issues.

·        Overturn the 1886 Supreme Court case Santa Clara County vs. Southern Pacific Railroad that rules a private corporation is a ‘Natural Person’ under the constitution and entitles them to protections of the Bill of Rights.  Then put all corporations on notice to clean up their acts quickly or suffer serious consequences.  The people must keep them on a short leash and finally face corporate responsibility all over the world.  This law was the beginning of corporate wrongdoing and is still on the books and paved the way for the "Money is free speech" bullshit argument most senators and representatives claim and the supreme court upheld .

·        Stop the World Trade Organization and the International Monetary fund!  The tool used to destroy nations for corporate greed.  In America raising and lowering the interest rates should be in the hands of the U.S. Congress and not in the hands of Bankers in the Federal Reserves who can very well profit from their decisions and are not governed by anyone.  That’s right folks, no one in America can tell the reserve what to do, there is one little known provision in the law that created the Federal Reserve that allows a future Congress to disintegrate it if need be.  They knew what it was and a few wise men fought for this provision and it's time for Congress to act now.  Dissolve the Federal Reserve now!

·        Health Care for everyone!  Today it is vitally important for everyone to have universal access to health care.  Politicians confuse and complicate the issue all the while they have the best health care paid by the taxpayers, as well as a hell of a retirement government plan that we don’t have that we pay for too!  If it's good enough for y’all it's good enough for us too! Either that or give up your benefits and fend for yourselves too! 

·        The last great act of all to save the World after we plunder the rich and kill all who oppose our plan of love, peace and social justice is to take care of each other, period!  It is simplistic but the only last real thing we haven’t tried.  We who do well must help those who are in need.  It’s time for HUMANISM! The ruling class will say it's socialism, they poison the minds of millions through corporate media takeovers and that is what they will have you believe.  There are a lot of things that must change in order to make the world better, but the status quo is scared of change that’s why they hold on to power with dear life.  They believe they are the keepers of mankind, but they are not, we would be better off without them.  They stir the pot and divide and conquer populations in a cesspool of lies and foolishness all the while having us believe we are free when we truly are not.  Because until we are free of them we will not truly be free.  Fight the powers that be my Brothas & Sistas!

Remember when men were men?  Pops worked and bought home the bacon while Mom stayed at home and yelled at you all day to set your butt straight?  The days when we would never think of acting like punks and cowardly drive by and shoot at someone for some dumb reason, and even if there was a good reason to shoot someone you just didn’t because that’s not the way a man would settle the score.  We didn’t have our friends jump into our fights either; it was win or lose, one on one, no matter who was there or who was outnumbered, your side or theirs.  And afterwards both parties just accepted the results and you'd eventually forget about it.  In some cases you'd become friends anyway.  We protected our Women in these days and we respected them too.  We wouldn’t curse in public and be all loud desperately needing unwanted attention in public either.  We were just normal guys and still are.  Some would say that we’re old fashioned today but being a man is just being a man.  Something happened since I was growing up on the streets of New York.  Somewhere along the way thru the years society produced by a series of Politically Correct events a little group that I like to call, “The Jellyfish Men” The men who when Meredith Vierra of The View on ABC asks a guy, “Do you have a feminine side” laugh along and try to get into the good graces of the hosts of the show.  A real man would "SHAFT" walk away from the interview on nationwide T.V.  just for asking such a stupid question.  I would offer to pull my pants completely down and say “Hey Meredith if you see something feminine let me know so I can surgically correct it” Or I’d say “Do you have a masculine side?” If they replied “Sometimes” I’d say “Hey Doll, you don’t have a set sometimes, you have a set all the time” These are the guys that ask a woman “Where would you like to go?” “What would you like to do?” That screws up the surprise, a real man like myself chooses what we’re going to do and when we’re going to do it.  Imagine the surprise on a woman's face when you tell her “Honey we’re going to Wrestlemania! I can’t tell you how truly a romantic moment this can be. Chicks dig it!

Women want strong men, not a Jellyfish Guy; someone who will call a plumber as opposed to a guy like me, who will, without any prior knowledge of plumbing, will indeed plumb, and at any cost too, no matter how bad it gets, until the job is done.  Even if the living room becomes a swimming pool.  Women don’t want jellyfish guy romance either.  I’m not saying don’t be nice, I’m just saying don’t be all “How do I love thee?” as opposed to “I freakin’ love you alright!” Nothing wrong with that.  Just give her flowers and give her some Caveman Love.  Make a decision and stick to it.  A real man will listen to his woman if she has a better idea, but a jellyfish guy will give in even though he knows the woman is wrong.  Like let’s say we had a little boy together and he likes to play with Barbie dolls, I guarantee you the Barbie doll is gone, no woman will convince me that my boy needs to play with Barbie dolls.  One trip to Toys –R-Us to gather up an arsenal of Rambo toys will put out that fire, but that’s a real solution.  Today psychiatry claims to have solutions and understanding to most problems and I say “Bull” It's a business just like everything else.  The best psychiatry is having that friend who will give it to you straight with no holds barred.  Let me be your friend, what's your problem?  Boyfriends hitting you? Man solution- Smash his balls in his sleep with your bare hands and call the cops, get an order of protection, take all his stuff and buy a gun in case he comes back then start a relationship with a guy like me.  Man isn't working?  Man Solution- Don’t give up no “Honey” and your man will be a corporate CEO in no time trust me.  See, “Man Solutions” work.  It's been like that since the dawn of time.  Maybe we haven’t always made the right decisions but it got us to where we are now.  I’d rather be an American than anything else in this world.  The Founders of America were real men, and the ones who fought in the Revolutionary War, now those were guys you can sit down and have a beer with.  The only mistake they made was starting out our country in slavery, even though they had the foresight to know it would all come to a boiling point at some time in history. 

But the real reason we won that historic war was because the British wore red.  The Redcoats were obviously Jellyfish Men, I mean who the hell wears red to a war?  That’s like saying “You missed, aim for the bright Red!”  And they actually stood in a formation while our guy’s just bum rushed them into oblivion.  They don’t mention that too much in history but I’ll be damned to believe we didn’t break the British rules of war at the time to win, at least when George Washington wasn’t looking.  Speaking of George, Thomas Jefferson was a hell of a guy too; he backslapped Napoleon and thus happened the “Louisiana Purchase”.  Napoleon, obviously a Jellyfish man, would have been a great guest on “The View.”  I wish all guys would fight back this out of control feminization of men.  I don’t get it.  Guys listen to me, when the sun rises tomorrow morning, go open the window, bang your chest like King Kong, give an animalistic rebel yell, go to the nearest wooded area and hunt down the first thing you see that moves, skin it alive and bring it home and roast it on an open fire in the middle of your living room, feed your family, send the kids to school, have Caveman Sex with your wife, invent the wheel, then go skydiving; and when you land go pick a fight with someone twice as big as you, and when you beat him down, pee on him and raise your spear and give a loud Tarzan yell for all to see!  Then run into the Forrest to catch lunch. Stop being Jellyfish men!  If you’re a Jellyfish man your woman will cheat on you if she isn’t already, because even though most women wont admit it they like what they call “Bad Boys” but I call it being a Man.  Someone decisive, strong willed, aggressive, common sensical, stupidly funny, lovingly ignorant all the things women secretly want and more, so claim your rightful place in this big world guys!  Throw away anything you own that’s pink, join the NRA, get a hunting license, buy a Horse and a Cowboy Hat, get that rifle you been thinking about and let’s bring back the Old West!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get me a cool sarsaparilla drink at the local saloon before I go on to my Ballet lessons with my darlin’ Clementine  (She made me do it! Oh, and by the way, my tutu is dark blue so technically I’m not a Jellyfish guy!)     JULIO

Abortion is a tough issue for some but not for me.  I see it from the point of view of a former Fetus/Embryo so I think I can speak on the issue since I’m practically an expert and survivor from among the ‘disappeared’.  Having survived my mothers’ decision not to choose to abort me I am quite happy to be alive today to say that I supported her decision 100% and would have been against any decision by her to have me aborted, which today is a nice word for murdered.  I mean let’s be honest here, some call it the “right to choose” but choose what?  The choice being made is whether or not a human being is going to exist or not.  This is a human rights issue, nothing less.  I would love to see nothing more than zero abortions in the world, but to take an honest in depth look into the problem, honesty is necessary here.   

Abortions become possible when couples have unprotected sex.  Women need to be educated here as well as guys.  If you’re going to have sex and are not planning to have a family at the very least use contraceptives or condoms in light of the fact that a life may be created here.  If it’s unwanted, don’t create it! That’s all!  It’s simple right?  That would end all abortions as we know it without having to have government step in and outlaw them, which in and of itself is another difficult issue to deal with.  It really shouldn’t come down to that.  Imagine a nation trying to force by law pregnant women who don’t want to give birth to a child to have that child.  That would be unimaginable.  So what’s the solution?  There is only one.  Anyone with any type of morals must realize very simply that human sexuality is like breathing.  So I am proposing a nationwide I.D. bar code numbering scanning system to tattoo on a Guys privates to keep track of unprotected sexual activities.  We don’t even need a new numbering system, just use the social security number in a small chip inserted somewhere on the helmet part, ribbed of course, for her pleasure.  It will also contain DNA information to match up the daddy to any babies born so that immediate child support payments can be made to support the little crumbsnatcher so it is well taken care of. 

It will also have a sensor that measures brain waves, because as we all know, guys think with their meat helmet all the time (Guilty!)  If the person is engaged in lovemaking with someone they love, nothing will happen, the brain waves will be normal.  However, if the brain waves measured are the result of animalistic lust, the guy gets a 35,000-volt shock right between his gonads to prevent the creation of a human being.  This would be a nice invention.  See it’s not the fault of the woman most of the time.  Most guys just don’t want to wear a condom.  I just cannot believe the stupidity of the women that trust the guy who says “Don’t worry I’ll pull out in time” How stupid are you?  Let me explain something to women, when it's time for Mr. Orgasmo we are no longer in control of the situation.  An orgasm is to man what Kryptonite is to Superman, we can’t move, we can’t think, we’re helpless!  We are incapable of moving out in time.  There could be a fire at the time and the guy will not be able to move from bed in order to save his own life, get it?  The problem today is that most kids don’t know the difference between love and sex.  Love is forever, a commitment between two people who will not divorce at the first sign of bad times, together through thick and thin sickness and in health.  When they hurt- you hurt, when they need support- you give it.  Some young people are smart enough to know this and actually get married young into very healthy and long relationships.  But the punks who go around impregnating women like it's a sport they’re the ones who should be aborted.  The ones who have kids with 4 or 5 different women and isn't supporting any one of them and don’t even have a job.  They should have a choice between being publicly executed or holding down one job for each baby he made with a different woman.  To their credit a lot of guys meet this challenge just out of pure decency and we should applaud the parents who raised them right.  I feel sorry for the young women who fall for the punk trap.  They really believe the asshole is in love with them, but when that responsibility comes along, the punk becomes a “Runner” See this is where my dick chip idea really expands, you see also in the chip is a satellite tracking system the police can  use to catch a “Runner” and force him into an immediate work search program to support the little ones. 

Ladies listen to me, your smart enough to know if a guy respects you or not.  If there is no respect and you’re not on that pedestal you should be on, drop him like a hotcake; he just wants to get laid and you’re better than that.  It’s your body.  You choose the time and the place.  If he's laying a guilt trip on you it's one of many in an arsenal of tactics guys use to get the ultimate prize, some love!  Abortion can be a rare thing if people get more educated but unfortunately young ladies and guys give into pier pressures that dictate that it's shameful to be a virgin in your teens when in fact it's the opposite.  The act of love is best when you’re actually in love.  It’s sharing your body with the person you have great feelings for and their isn’t anything wrong with that, it's the most human emotion of all.  But in our times and culture sex is so commercialized I have never seen on television, film, music and advertising such an array of suggestive crap in my life.  If these things were happening when I was young there would have been outrage.  It’s no wonder the kids get sexually active so young, they’re exposed to it every day.  Sadly, the people doing this know it has an effect, but it's the dollars that count so they do nothing to correct it.  This is true, I was about 11 or 12 and me and my best friend at the time, Levy Scott was on Cedar street by the old beer brewery discussing kids one time because my sister had two at the time and we had just failed greatly at taking care of Mary my oldest niece.  We couldn’t change her diaper and she was screaming like crazy, we had to get a girl from next store Laurie to help us.  But I remember we were trying to figure out from whence babies are born.  After a long discussion we agreed that it was from the belly button because the other thing was for urinating.  I swear this is true.  So one of our female friends came along and we asked them only to find out we were wrong.  Back then we were laughed at but we didn’t mind. 

My point is that we were innocent back then.  We just weren’t exposed to all the things that people are exposed to today.  There were things happening and changing the culture in the 70’s but just out of the way we were raised at the time we knew to choose right from wrong.  We saw the hippies at the ice cream shop drinking all the time and smoking pot and we were friends with them, but even they use to tell us not to do those things, they would say, “Don’t do this crap or you’ll turn out like me hanging out not doing anything” and we listened.  There was peer pressure in those days too but luckily Levy and I just hung out together against the world and we pretty much stayed away from anything that had “bad” written all over it.  We were two nerds who acted crazy, inseparable friends, we did it all together.  We were the original 70’s show but in real life.  And none of us would have been there had we been ‘Aborted’ I hope things change through education and just common sense.  The real choice for a man and a woman at the time of intimacy is are we going to take a chance and create a life, or play it smart and take precautions, that’s the real choice people need to think about.  Be responsible guys, remember somewhere in Washington some right wing neo-conservative is saying “Hey check out this dick chip idea!”               JULIO